either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
