He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
