I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
