He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
