so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
