dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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