Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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