check it out our google latitudes are spooning
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize