My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sorry about my life...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize