Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
