I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
