her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
