you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
