Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
