Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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