Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
