and she was petting her beer can
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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