not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
