rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
