This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
