I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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