I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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