i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
