Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
