Pappa wants mamma naked
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
