I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
A+ Viking dick
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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