OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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