I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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