I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
