Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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