Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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