A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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