You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
