She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
