Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
