Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
