im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
