I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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