Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
