If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
