you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
