but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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