so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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