Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize