You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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