What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
