this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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