But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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