how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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