sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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