I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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