if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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