Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When are your genitals available?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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