please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
