your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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