sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
