So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
