Umm I'm too high to move.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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