Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
