i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
