on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
