Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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