love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
North Korea, Best Korea!
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
