She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
