did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize