i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
