We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
