dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize