dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
