i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
