It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
