so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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