If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I want to make a zoo with you.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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