Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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