why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
